The Bitch to End All Bitches

0 | April 29th, 2009 | Posted in Alias, General, Treasure Hunters

For Lost’s 100 episode, I decided that it was momentous enough for me to blog a bit. I know that I’m behind, but this episode was so good.

Just when you thought parental issues couldn’t get more messed up on this show, Momma Ellie puts a bullet through her son’s chest. As an aside, I originally wrote this blog title and the original slant of my piece was going to be how amazingly cruel and selfish Ellie is. I mean, at first glance, it appears that she sacrifices her son all in effort to keep the past intact. If the past doesn’t change, then she lives and is able to become the old crazy woman we see at the hospital.

At first glance, she appears to just a cold and calculating bitch who is controlling and manipulating poor Daniel to his ultimate demise at her hands. But do me a favor, rewatch the episode. Take another gander at it and see if you don’t start feeling some compassion for old Ellie. In particular, the scene at the restaurant post-graduation. What were simply words thrown away at the time to fill the scene take so much more meaning.

“I’m sorry to tell you Daniel, but you’re not going to have time for relationships. The women in your life will only be terribly hurt.”

Now, we know why they overcasted Fionnula Flanagan in this role. Her subtle acting in this scene might even pull her an emmy nod. She knows what lies ahead. She knows that her destiny is to kill her son. Even the scene in the beginning about destiny takes on added weight.

“Remember no matter what, I will always love you.”

Wow, so much more to say, eyelids too heavy

Sacre Bleu! Jin is Still Alive

1 | February 5th, 2009 | Posted in Lost

The best thing about this show is that for every answer that they give you, ten more questions take its place.

So much for my giant chess match theory. I really thought that Widmore would be a bigger player, but it seems that Ben is the only one really pulling the strings. Or perhaps Charles will rear his ugly head once Desmond, Pennie and Charlie float their way over to L.A. to hook up with Daniel’s mom.

This is of course, my first reaction. Unlike last week, I feel that this episode will require much more insight and that means a second blog later this weekend.

I do have to give credit where credit is due and to this theory, I have to give credit to Tim Barber. When I read it in his email earlier today, I immediately dismissed it as just coincidence. I should have known that are is no such thing as a coincidence on Lost. Tim said that he thought Miles (the Asian guy from the freighter) was Dr. Chang (Dr. Candle)’s son that we saw in the season premiere. I didn’t buy it but something in this episode made me think that Tim is on to something. Miles starts getting a nosebleed and Daniel theorizes that it has something to do with length of exposure to the island. Miles says that he’s only been on the island for a couple of days and Daniel asks him if he is sure.

That tells me that Tim might indeed be right. And if Miles was born on the island and somehow survived Ben’s purge, then he would know firsthand what Ben is capable of and why he is seemingly so afraid of Ben when he asks for $3.2 million when he is Ben’s prisoner. Of course, Miles doesn’t let on to Daniel if he does in fact remember being on the island.

And if the “extreme jet lag” only occurs to people who are born on the island, then it’s safe to assume that Charlotte was also born on the island. If you recall from our first introduction to Charlotte last season, she knows about Dharma. When she finds the polar bear in the Tunisian desert, she immediately goes to look for the Dharma collar and finds it.

I think it’s safe to assume that both Charlotte and Miles have spent extended amounts of time on the island in the past that they may or may not remember.

I thought the connection between teenage Aaron in the present day L.A. and island Aaron was handled beautifully by going back to his birth. That puts the current flash on the island to a slight past when the light came on in the hatch.

The next flash takes them to the future when their camp is destroyed and Vincent is gone. It looks like a different airline has also crashed on the island. And they come packing heat. And where is Rose and Bernard? And where is Vincent? Man, Sawyer is full of great questions, isn’t he?

The next flash is back to the past. At least 16 years, more like 17 or 18. We finally get to meet a pregnant Rousseau and her scientist team . I guess we can finally put to rest the argument that Alex was born before getting to the island.

A pregnant Rousseau. Jin is still alive. There’s so much else to talk about.

Time for bed..mere to come soon.

The Second Resurrection of Charlie

1 | January 29th, 2009 | Posted in Lost

I’m going back to an old standby posting my initial, post episode reactions before I’m able to put a little more effort and time into a full recap. I’ll try and do this each week and the amount of analysis and length will vary depending on the episode and how awesome it is.

Needless to say this post is going to be quite lengthy. I’ll try to keep my thoughts in general order of the episode.

So, they sold us this season on the whole idea of there not being any flashbacks or flash forwards. I think it’s safe to assume that the first episodes opening was a fast forward and obviously, this episode’s opening was a flashback.

Wow. So, Desmond is a daddy. Am I the only one who thought that Pennie was going to die in childbirth? It just seems to me Desmond’s kid would be a natural successor to Widmore, Ben and Locke as leader of the island (more on that in a bit). Ben’s mom died in childbirth. Locke was an orphan. And we don’t know much about Widmore’s parents, but I have his whole Oliver Twist “please sir, can I have some more” orphan vibe in my head when I think of his childhood.

Of course Charlie is still young and it seems that Desmond and Pennie are on a path towards destiny one way or another.

The island stuff is interesting. We get a frame of reference that the last flash took them to the 1950s. As Faraday pointed out in his mini-history lesson. The United States carried out some nuclear testing in the Mashall Islands in the South Pacific during this time.

The H-Bomb on the island could be what was buried under all that concrete in the original hatch. In fact, that could explain what happened to that hatch. Let’s say that the H-Bomb was the fail-safe of the first hatch. Being buried underground and covered with so much concrete could limit the yield of the explosion, but it would still cause the damage we did see.

Charles Widmore kills the other Other named Jones. It’s just another example of all the change that they are creating to the established timeline.

So, how old is Richard? Juliet is only able to offer “old.” Also, it’s clear that the line of succession was Widmore then Ben then Locke. There may have been someone between Widmore and Ben. It seems that leaders of the Others are doomed to sacrifice their leadership to save the island. In doing so, they are unable to return to the island.

Here’s something interesting. Faraday says that there’s something familiar about the blonde with the gun. I bet she turns out to Faraday’s mother. How cool would that be? And now that we know that Daniel’s mom is in LA and that Ms. Hawking is in LA, I think it’s safe to say that that she is indeed Daniel’s mother.

And since she is age appropriate now to being on the island with Widmore, I bet the blonde with the gun will turn out to be her. And considering how she and Widmore were on the island together, it is quite possible that Widmore is Faraday’s father. And here’s one to swallow, what if Ms. Hawking also turns out to be Pennie’s mother? That would make Daniel and Pennie brother and sister and make the whole thing one tidy familial struggle.

Off the island, there’s actually a softer side of Widmore and it seems that Ben has called his bluff perfectly. Despite his desire to get back to the island, he’s more concerned about Pennie’s safety. It seems that all roads are going to converge in LA.

We also see the benevolence of Widmore in that he’s paid for everything in regards to that girl that poor Faraday has left stuck in time. Perhaps Widmore and Ben aren’t so much evil as they are misunderstood.

I can’t stop thinking about the island as the garden of Eden in search of a perpetual Adam. When it becomes necessary for the “Adam” to be banished from the garden, they spend the rest of their lives trying to get back to the island/garden.

I think that’s enough for now. I’m sure more will come to me as I digest the show and watch it a couple more times.

Lost is Like a Broken Record, Broken Record

1 | January 27th, 2009 | Posted in Lost

I’m back with part two of the season opener Cooter treatment of Lost. If you remember, last I left you we were talking about Time Travel, not Tim Travel, and we will pick up where I left off.

Time Flashes
OK, back to the whole concept of the Flash. I believe just like Ben was transported physically and temporally, that is what is happening with the island with each Flash. The Losties travel temporally and the island moves physically. This explains why the island is no longer there when Ben “moves” the island the first time.

Conversely, at the end of show, when Ms. Hawking is using the pendulum to map out “event windows” on the globe, I postulate that each little mark is where the island was.

There are few interesting things in this episode about time travel that are either major contradictions with what we know already about time travel or are simply just production/continuity errors. The first thing I noticed is when Locke flashes into the future right before Ethan is going to kill him. Locke goes into the plane and there are a bunch of Mary statues fulled with heroin.

Of course, we already know from the first season that all those Mary statues were destroyed and burned. So, apparently either this was a prop error or it’s an indication that perhaps they can have an effect on the established timeline despite all the warnings that “there are rules.”

The biggest contradiction is that we’ve heard the Hitler paradox explained away a couple of times from both Faraday and Dr. Chang. Basically saying that you can’t go back and kill Hitler because if it hasn’t already happened, it won’t happen. It’s string theory 101. You can move along the string but you can’t create alternate or parallel strings.

This theory is neat and tight because it explains away the potential for infinite ripples in the time/space continuum. If you’re able to go back and kill Hitler or anyone else for that matter, then there will be an infinite number of repercussions that would basically cause a tear in the time/space continuum and we would cease to exist.

OK, that’s a big simplification and I’m sure that I got most of it wrong, but think of it in terms of Back to the Future. If you go back and prevent your parents from falling in love, then you will never be born.

However, Faraday is quick to point out that Desmond is special and the rules don’t apply to him. As we’ve already seem in last season’s “Constant” that Desmond can travel back in time (at least mentally) and affect the future. And Faraday is hoping, no banking, on him to come through again and meet up with his mom. More on that in bit.

But, we’ve got another big issue in this episode. At the end, Locke shows up and does his little knife act and kills Mattingly and a couple other of those soldiers. So, either Locke is special as well or Faraday and Dr. Chang’s understanding of time travel isn’t quite right.

One thing is certain, killing those soldiers will have ramifications on the future.

This season, I will also go through the flashes and explain when they take place.

The first flash is in the past, before the Losties crashed on the island. The Losties beach camp isn’t there yet. Lockes witnesses Yemi’s plane crash which we know predates their crash by a couple of years.

The second flash is some point in the future. It takes place after the Oceanic 6 makes it back to civilization because Richard shows up to take the bullet out of Locke’s leg. He tells Locke that the others made it back to civilization and that he has to go and find them and bring them back and die. This does bring up a good point though, how did Richard find out that the Oceanic 6 made it back to civilization, especially since Locke destroyed the communications station?

The third flash is back in the past. The hatch is back and it’s obviously pre-815 crash because Desmond is still wearing the hazmat suit when he opens up for Faraday. And now that Faraday has made contact with his constant, we assume that he will be immune from the symptoms of time travel and the flash forward from the beginning of the episode could mean that Faraday is the only one from the group still alive and he’s trying to undue whatever Ben did.

I’m sure that we’ll get back to that scene soon enough.

The last flash happens just before Faraday is able to tell Desmond his mother’s name. As we find out later in the episode, this flash takes them way in the past, to approximately 1940 or so given the uniforms of the soldiers that attack the Losties.

A Giant Chess Game
First, it was backgammon and now it’s chess. The black and white theme continues, but this time the game is chess and the world is the chess board. I believe that the two players are Widmore and Ben and they are assembling their pieces and making moves to gain an advantage over the other.

The end game of course is to find the island for whatever means that each person wants to use it for. The both realize that the key to finding and/or getting back on the island resides in those that left the island. The Oceanic 6 plus Desmond.

We know that Widmore has Sun and after she met up with Kate and Aaron, i think it’s safe to assume that Kate and Aaron will join up on the Widmore side. Ben has Jack and Sayid and I’m going out on a limb here, but I think Ms. Hawking will turn out to be Faraday’s mother. We know that Desmond is heading to Oxford to look for Faraday’s mother and if indeed I’m right that Ms. Hawking is his mother, then Ben will have Desmond and Pennie.

And if he’s able to ascertain that Pennie is Widmore’s daughter, then Ben will have the ultimate bargaining chip with Widmore to get him to relinquish his Oceanic 6 peeps. Unless of course, Widmore is more than willing to sacrifice Pennie for the island much like Ben was willing to sacrifice Alex to the island.

The tipping point though is Hurley and Locke. We know that Ben has Locke who must travel back to the island with them from both Ben and Richard’s admission. But who has Hurley? If you believe those dudes are really LAPD, then the cops have him and he’s not going anywhere for awhile. Of course, I think those men also work for Widmore, so if that’s the case then Widmore has Hurley. And for those keeping score at home, both Widmore (Sun, Kate, Aaron and Hurley) and Ben (Desmond, Jack, Sayid and Locke) have four “pieces” to the puzzle and have reached a stalemate.

Ah, but Ben has Pennie, the ultimate bargaining chip.

I think that’s jsut about everything that I wanted to cover in this episode. It’s nice to have a straight forward-albeit fractured storylines. Now that we know there are two storylines, both moving forward (although the island story will move back and forth in time), the action will surely pick up in the next few weeks.

Lost is Like a Broken Record

1 | January 25th, 2009 | Posted in Lost

So this is the emptiness of CooterTV without updates, huh? Well, I don’t like it. Moreover, I’ve heard from a vast number of you that you don’t like it either.

Well, there’s some good news.

With this week’s return of Lost, so too will I dust off this site and start posting. Well, at least on Lost. And who knows, maybe this return to the written format will spark my juices to keep up the blog in other areas. But, I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Enough BS, it’s time to get Lost.

Did You Catch It
The first image of the season is an alarm going off at 8:15 am. Dr. Candle/Waxman/Chang/whatever gets up takes care of his newborn baby. I’m sure you caught the 8:15 that was easy, but did you take a moment to consider the ramifications of this development? Well, I think it means that having kids on the island was kosher up until the time of Dharma. Obviously, something that Dharma does cause the island to fight back and kill all expectant mothers.

Later on in the scene where Dr. Chang is interrupted making the Hatch video, did you catch that there’s an alien head back on the shelf behind him? That seems like a completely random and out of place prop to just be sitting in the background.

The lawyers that come and visit Kate represent the law firm Agostini and Norton, which could be an anagram for “attaining donor son.” Remember that the funeral home name is an anagram for Flash Forward.

When Sun is at the airport, a woman over the intercom announces a flight 23 to Paris leaving from gate 15. The numbers are still going to play prominent roles in the show.

Finally, did you catch that surprise Faraday reveal shows him wearing a Dharma jumpsuit with the name “Joe” and the occupation of “Construction?”

Those Tricky Dharmaites
I think the little back and forth between Dr. Chang and the construction dude gives us, for the first time, the true motives of the people calling themselves Dharma. It’s pretty obvious that all of their little hatches and dreams for a utopian society were either a blatant lie or a cover story for their real intentions with the island.

It’s also clear that Dr. Chang is the man in charge on the island, or at least the one in charge of the island’s time traveling power. It’s also obvious that the shared dialogs between he, Faraday and Ms. Hawking (”There are rules” and “God help us all”) demonstrate that all three of the characters that are most intimately familiar with the time travel and the island’s magical properties are connected in some way. More on that in a bit.

One thing that is interesting is that the “wheel of time” (for lack of a better word) predates Dharma. It probably dates back to the Black Rock at least, if not older.

It should also be worth noting that I think this is the only Flash Forward (wrapped in a Flashback) shown on this episode. It’s safe to assume that one of the island’s skips will take the Losties to the time of Dharma eventually. I further postulate that we will catch up with this Flash Forward in the season finale. Obviously, whatever Faraday is about to do in the orchid will be integral to bringing the Oceanic 6 back to the island.

Time Flashes
OK, you better buckle your seat belt because this is going to be one hell of a bumpy ride. There is no real easy way to explain time travel and as Faraday says before Sawyer bitchslaps him, explaining it to a quantum physicists would be tough enough, let alone people like you and me.

So, we’ll use the example from the show. The island is skipping through time (and apparently physically skipping from one location to another) much like a skipping record. Each time the record skips, the island moves from one physical location to another and the Losties move through time on the island.

It’s interesting to note that only the 815 Losties and the freighter folks are traveling through time. Locke is with Richard and the Others when the first flash occurs and when they come out of it, Locke is the only one there. So, either there is something special about the Losties (the generic term now for 815 and freighter folk) or after spending a certain amount of time on the island, you develop some sort of immunity to time travel.

A nice side note is that perhaps “the sickness” (remember that from Season 1) that Rousseau refers to that destroyed her team might in some way resemble the bloody noses and memory losses associated with prolonged time travel without finding your constant.

I will leave you here. I know it is but a taste. But I have to go to hockey. There will be more tonight or tomorrow.

Cooter out…for now.

Lost Season 5 Leaked Promo

0 | October 25th, 2008 | Posted in Lost

So, this is either a legitimate leaked look at season 5 of Lost or just another smart move by the ABC marketing department. Either way, WOW!

Is it February yet? Thanks to UGO.com for the embed link obviously.

If the embed player doesn’t load, simply click on the UGO logo to go to their site to watch it.

There is such a thing as being too blonde

0 | October 20th, 2008 | Posted in Amazing Race 13

Amazing Race is back and it seems that the “mandatory rest stop” didn’t help with the ongoing feud between the Divorcees and Team Spartans. Ladies, it was a sports bra. It’s time to move on.

Speaking of moving on, the next leg takes the teams to New Zealand where they have to get to a marina and untie a knot ball. Yep, no comment necessary from me on that one.

In good keeping with the fine tradition started by Miss Teen South Carolina, Dallas demonstrates that not even being named for a city can help you with geography. His mom is left to ponder about all those wasted dollars spent on school. Two words mom: Beer Bong!

The Blondes really do live up to their stereotype on the way to the airport when pose such queries as to wondering if there are blonde people in New Zealand and if they’ll be rare or anything. Wow. Just wow.

I’m thinking they should do an all-Blonde Amazing Race. That would be awesome. I don’t know how you pick a winner though as assuredly none of the teams would make it to the finish line. Our resident blonde excluded obviously. :)

Team Go Blue starts to show the fraying edges of their long-distance relationship. Aja comes down on Ty for his repetitive use of the phrase “bit on the butt,” while Ty strikes back at her dictatorial manner. He even quips that he wants a t-shirt that reads, “I’m with Fidel.” Ouch! No worries though because they kiss and makeup and kiss some more.

Speaking of interesting things said on the way or in the airport. Team Spartans admit that they now have an “adult relationship.” I really hope that’s not adult as in adult movies, because…eeew!

Team Superbad isn’t immune from the slip of the tongue, they admit that they are equal opportunity partners. So, I guess that whole teaming up with the blondes act was just that, an act, eh? Although, Team Superbad did give us some foreshadowing by correctly pointing out that Phil is from New Zealand.

Gee, I wonder what that means?

All the airport drama is for naught. All of the teams get on the same airplane and when they get to their marked cars, Team Superbad calls it a Superbad sandwich. That’s not even funny. I make the jokes here!

The blondes should really give up. I knew they were in trouble when someone said that they had to drive on the left side of the road. They really should thrown in the towel when the local kiwi said, “Ah, you can’t get lost.”

Obviously the Kiwis overestimate those with blonde hair.

To compile the fight that Team Blue had at the airport, they get a flat tire on the way from the airport to the knot. Ty admits that he’s never changed a tire before. Seriously dude, you’re from Detroit. You never admit on national TV that you’ve never changed a tire. When Aja predictably leaves your ass in 4 months, no woman is going to date you and your lack of car skills.

Chick dig skills. Didn’t you learn anything from Napoleon Dynamite?

Once teams untie the knot, they are told to head to the summit of Mount Eden. But, they are also given the chance to go after a fast forward. Team Playa and Superbad go after the fast forward. It’s a real race to get their first, but Team Playa gets in just ahead of Superbad and Superbad decides to go back to the other tasks.

Up next is the Roadblock in which one member of each team must match a Maori tattoo that is painted on one of a few dozen aboriginal warriors. It doesn’t help that the warriors are wee bit crazy either.

Team Newly Dating is the first team to complete the Maori tattoo challenge and Sarah tells Terence to “kiss him, kiss him, kiss him.” Umm, yeah…I’m not putting stock in the longevity of their relationship.

Next teams have to find City Life Tower and use binoculars to spot little Travelocity gnomes out and about in the city. Once they spot them, they have to go out and procure them. I will say that despite the egregious product placement that CBS et al. are doing here, it doesn’t bother me. Perhaps it’s because the Race is so awesome that I give them a free pass, or perhaps it’s that the gnomes are just so damn cute.

Yep, just lost some manly points there for the phrase, “the gnomes are just so damn cute.”

Back at the Summit, Team Divorcees decides to get some extra exercise by walking up the hill. Superbad chides them and they play it off like it was their decision. Dallas is afraid that the Maori warriors are going to eat his mom. There’s just something a little off about those two.

Meanwhile back at the pier, the blondes finally get to the right marina, but then they keep walking right past the knot. I mean it’s a giant freakin’ knot. The rest of the teams found it the darkness of night.

At the Fast Forward, Team Playa finally gets its gnome and gets a nice helicopter ride to the pit stop. Once there, they find out that they are first (duh!) and that Phil’s dad is the one greeting them to New Zealand. See, foreshadowing is good.

Back with the others, now it’s time for the teams to go to Kiwi 360. Yes, I tried to find the degrees symbol, but I can’t so you’ll have to deal with a slight inaccuracy here. Sorry.

It’s time for the Detour: Matter of Time vs. Matter of Skill. In Matter of Time, they have to take a cue from the iconic Lucy Show episode and smash kiwis with their feet and drink two heaping glasses. In Matter of Skill, they have to build these wind-racing gocart thingees and complete three laps.

Most of the teams initially choose the kiwi stomping, but then changed their mind when they realized that sharp rocks would be cutting up their feet and that you know it sucks and takes a long time. Teams that stuck with it though were rewarded as Team Newly Dating secured second place with their quick feet. And don’t forget Team Divorcees who exfoliated their way to third place in the kiwi mess.

Team Superbad wants a sports trivia challenge. Sorry boys, you’re not going to get it. Starr from the Spartans proves that she is as dumb as a box of rocks when she put her hands down even though she was given explicit directions not to do so.

She claims to have broken her arm, but then she completes the task and her brother still makes her start driving to the pit stop. What wonderfully sibling love, eh?

The award for futility comes down between the Blondes and Team Go Blue. In the end, the Michigan connection nips the Blondes and sends them packing. Which means that next will be a non-elimination leg for sure.

Meanwhile, Phil’s dad proves that he’s a pervert when he slyly points out that the blondes need a hug.

You dirty old man!

G-Cizzle goes G-Fizzle

0 | October 17th, 2008 | Posted in Survivor: Gabon

You can understand why I’ve got to get back
To that sugar shack, whoa baby
To that sugar shack, yeah honey
To that sugar shack, whoa yes
To that sugar shack.

Sugar returns from her “Sugar Shack” and her new tribe, Dung, wants to welcome her back by making sure that she gets some food because they mistakenly think that she hasn’t eaten in like three days.

Meanwhile, the truth is that Sugar was gorging herself on the fruit of te land and enjoying every last moment of it. She feigns with her new tribe mates that she doesn’t have the idol, but we all know that she’s like right through her cleavage.

Over at Kota, the day dawns and brings with it an electric charge in the form of some sort of fish that releases an electric shock when it is touched. I don’t care how hungry you are, I would never eat anything that has the ability to shock me. But, Bill Nye the Science Guy gives it the all-clear and they feast on the electric fish.

Back at Dung, the camp has a new visitor in the way of a 2 ton elephant with glowing yellow eyes. It made me think of the yellow-eyed demon from Supernatural and I felt a Jeffrey Dean Morgan death scene approaching. Ace and Matty decide that, you know, it would be smart to get into a kayak and antagonize the wild animal in its habitat.

They are a dual Darwin award waiting to happen, but thankful for them, this elephant didn’t decide to play mythbusters on them. Yes, despite their size and lack of coordination, elephants are quite the swimmers.

What? Don’t believe me?

Well, then check this out.

Yes, that was the quite possibly the most captivating video that I have ever seen.

Now, it’s on to the reward challenge where the teams toss their fruit salad. Chris Rock would be so impressed. The winning tribe with an herb garden and the fruit that they are able to catch.

At the outset, it becomes increasing clear that G-Cizzle never played basketball in his life. He can’t seem to get his shot off without it being blocked by the diminutive blocker from Kota. On the flip side, Charlie is a sieve for Kota on defense allowing just about ever shot to get past him.

You gotta love CBS editors. The footage shown makes it look like Dung, the worst tribe in the history of Survivor, is kicking butt, but in the end, Kota wins yet again by like two pounds. Their newly won herb garden with be a nice addition to all those fish that they keep catching.

It’s time for Exile and as the song at the top says, the Sugar Shack is back in business. Kota claims that it’s a decision based on both humor and strategy. It would be strategic for her to get it and for Dung to force her to play it.

Of course such strategy would require Dung to have a half of a brain. The only sad thing is that less Sugar means less cleavage, but don’t worry, to quote Yoda, “There is another.”

Kota is drunk with the power. Charlie’s remarks that the rich are getting richer and Dan wants the new Kota to stick together through the merger, but Marcus has his doubts.

Over in Dung, G-Cizzle get into a stupid argument over rice. I would say that it was scripted fight, but it was too stupid to be scripted for sure. G-Cizzle says that he has to “figure some things out” and makes like Caine and walks the Earth all Kung Fu style.

It’s time for the immunity challenge and G-Cizzle is nowhere to be found. Dung starts screaming for him, but it’s becoming increasingly clear that he is nowhere to be found. Just as they were about to leave for the challenge, he shows up out of nowhere.

So, that really begs the question. We all know that there are cameramen and people behind the scenes at these camps. And I think it’s safe to assume that the producers have eyes on all the contestants at all times, you know so that no one gets eaten by a tiger or run over by an elephant. So, why add this fake drama shit?

I think it’s clear that G-Cizzle has checked out of Gabon.

At the immunity challenge, I kept waiting for Bob Barker to pop out from behind Probst and say, “Come on down, you’re the next contestant on The Price is Right!” The game was human Plinko, a version of the classic price is right game in which balls were thrown down a hill with diversion on it. The twist was the blind-folded blocking members whose sole purpose was to block the other team’s balls.

You got different point amounts depending on which corral the balls ended up in.

Dan gets bonus points for accidentally stopping his own ball during one turn and Ace is a complete tool for taking Dan’s shield to the face. Wow, taken out of context, that last sentence is almost downright dirty.

It all comes down to the last throw, which is a repeat of the puzzle challenge. Bill Nye vs. Long Duk Dong. This time though, Randy is there to throw Ace off his game. Ace, who was supposed to be listening for Sugar’s voice (a girl) instead listens to Randy (a boy) and stops, thus causing Dung to lose yet again.

Has there ever been a worse tribe in the history of Survivor. I think Dung is up there.

Back at Dung, G-Cizzle is done and asks to be put out of his misery. Sugar and Ace celebrate the news by taking a swim. Back at camp, Crystal decides to start rummaging through Sugar’s bag and finds the idol.

Holy cleavage Kelly! Where did that come from? I told you there was another. So now, the talk turns from giving G-Cizzle what he wants and blind-siding Sugar.

At tribal council, Sugar cries yet again. Perhaps an overabundance of fruit causes you to cry? Huh. Kelly shows off more cleavage to the camera and it’s clear that she and Sugar are going to have a cleavage fight at some point.

Sugar must have ESP or something because she correctly calls out Crystal and company for going through her stuff and looking for the idol.

The moment of truth comes and G-Cizzle is sent packing as it should be. Sugar, her leopard prints and her massive cleavage live to fight another day.

If I were Kelly, I would watch my back.

More CBG

0 | October 14th, 2008 | Posted in Fringe

I’m sure after the last episode, everyyone caught the creepy bald guy getting off the elevator.

If not here’s a pic.

A Huge Bra-ha-ha is A-Brewin’

0 | October 13th, 2008 | Posted in Amazing Race 13

This is reality TV and I’ve seen my fair share of petty fighting over the years. Everything from line-cutting to rice hoarding has been the subject of the drama-filled outbursts, but I do believe this is first. Team Divorcees alleged that Team Spartans had knocked their sports bra off a ledge.

And we all know how important a sports bra is. Personally, I think it was some production assistant trying to cater to the male demographic by having Team Divorcees compete sans bra.

And after seeing the bumpy, cobble-stone bike ride, my conspiracy theory holds stronger than ever.

After that we listened to Team Geek talk about how they considered themselves to be smarter than the other teams. And that their biggest competitive advantage was their brains. Folks, that’s called irony and foreshadowing.

Just thought I’d stretch my arcane English lit skills.

Teams must fly to La Paz, Bolivia. Hmm…it seems like this location is familiar to me and I just can’t place my finger on it. Could it be that Amazing Race is recycling destinations? Was La Paz on The Mole? Bonus points for anyone who can remind my why La Paz sounds so familiar.

Team Superbad is a team of great contradictions. They claim that they are not the most athletic team out there, but they think they’re pretty sexy. Well, someone has to, right?

The Blondes, on the other hand, can’t figure out why everyone underestimates them, despite finishing each leg in second to last place. Yep, I can’t figure that one out either. It must be a blonde thing.

There’s a first in Amazing Race history. There was absolutely no airport drama to see. No line cutting, no lemmings going the wrong way, no real taxi issues. I guess it helps that they are simply rushing to go campout at the statue to await the morning newspapers.

I thought it was a nice touch by Phil and the gang to have those local women pass out blankets to the teams. I guess it’s not only high altitude, but cold in Bolivia. The blondes quipped, “the ground is hard.” Yeah, I still can’t figure out why everyone is underestimating you gals!

The morning comes and we see vanity at its greatest. Team Divorcess and Team Blondes are busy putting on their makeup. Oh, and don’t forget that Nick from Team Spartans was getting a fresh shave.

Whatever happened to the credo, “There’s no makeup on the Amazing Race?”

The clue is in the classified section of the newspaper. It’s always in the classifieds, but none of the teams ever seem to figure this out. Team Superbad is the newspaper king and they are off to buy their hat.

In another case of foreshadowing, we see that the Geeks aren’t handling the high altitude so well. Perhaps they should’ve read one less copy of Action Comics and hit the treadmill. But who am I to criticize?

Understandably, the Blondes are the last ones to figure out the classified ads clue. And yet, they still have no clue as to why no one gives them any respect.

Time for the detour. Musical March or Bumpy Ride. In Musical March, teams have to lead a bunch of dysfunctional band members across La Paz. In Bumpy Ride, teams have to put their lives on the line while riding these rickety hand-carved bikes through the narrow by-ways and alleys of La Paz.

Danger Wil Robinson! Danger! There’s a U-turn ahead! Which is just an excuse for CBS to ramp up the suspense although we all know that none of the teams are smart enough to use it.

The Amazing Race isn’t about making friends, it’s about “winning the game,” to steal a quote from War Games. You only have one shot at it, so I would U-turn if I had the chance. You might not be around to use it next time.

Teams head out to their detours. The Blondes and Team Superbad decide to get the band back together, while the rest of the teams choose to feel the power of man-made hogs between their legs.

Uh-oh, Team Geeks and Team Newly Dating didn’t read the rules properly and took taxis to the detour. Team Newly Dating discovered their error quickly and backtracked to the hat store. Team Geeks did not.

Gee, do you have hit us over the head so flagrantly with that foreshadowing again? We get it. The Geeks shall not inherit the Race.

While watching the riders on the bikes, I began to wonder what function the feathers possible served, other than to make them look utterly ridiculous of course. Oh wait, there it is. They provide extra padding for when teams wipeout. Team Divorcees bite the pavement for the first time. (Yes, that’s my own little foreshadowing for ya!)

Team Playa and Team Geeks are the first to finish their bike ride of death and learn that they have to travel by taxi to a wrestling ring for the Roadblock, fight a girl.

Ken is such a testosterone freak. He runs into the arena looking for any man to fight. He runs right by the women a few different times before he finally figures it out. He almost looks a little dejected.

Back at the bike ride of death, we’ve got blood! Team Divorcees takes a nasty header into some random passing building. I totally thought she was down for the count. Short of them failing to stop at an intersection and getting plowed by a bus, this was as nasty of a hit that we could’ve hoped for.

But she must be a hockey player, because she shook it off like a champ and continued on their way.

Further down the hill, Team Spartans were plotting to take the bra-ha-ha to the next level by convincing Team Go Blue to U-turn Team Divorcees. To be fair, I don’t think Team Spartans was trying to get Team Go Blue to do their dirty work.

I think they were asking them to U-turn Team Divorcees if Team Go Blue got to the U-turn first. I thoroughly expected Team Spartans to drive that knife in Team Divorcees’ sports bras with a U-turn, but alas no one used the best tool on the Race.

At the Roadblock, most teams got through the wrestling act with ease. That is most everyone by Team Geeks. And to think that they should have felt at home with their spandex and cape.

Poor Mark was so inept that he couldn’t get the routine right and he ended up wasting valuable time sucking on the business end of an oxygen tank. And remember they didn’t have any time to play with, but they haven’t figured that out yet.

One by one, each team passed Team Geek (who arrived at the Roadblock in third place) with the exception of Team Divorcees who had almost accepted their fate.

That included Team Newly Dating who couldn’t get anything right the first time on this day. Not only did they use a taxi at the Detour, but they stopped at some random soccer game because there was a red and yellow flag there. Wow!

On their way to pitstop, Team Geeks finally read their clue and realized that they were screwed. They got to the check-in before Team Divorcees, but they had to serve a 30 minute penalty.

It’s a good thing that Team Divorcees didn’t stop and apply a fresh coat of makeup before their big sendoff because they may have given Team Geeks enough time to survive their mistake. In the end, their advantage of being smart turned into their downfall when they didn’t properly read the clue and took a taxi to the Detour.

Team Divorcees lives to primp another day. At the front of the pack, Team Playa won their second leg in a row and they look to be a fierce competitive team that will be there at the end.

Surprisingly, Team Blondes came in fourth place. Perhaps we can finally stop underestimating them…. NAH!

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